"What was that?!" – loud, in front of everyone. You feel your face get hot. Criticism from your coach often feels like a judgment about you as a person. But most of the time, it's about an action.
Separate tone and content
Almost all criticism has two parts: how it's said and what it means. You can't change the tone. You can use the content. Ask yourself: What is the instruction behind it?
How to deal with it
- During the game: A quick nod, pull out the instruction ("step out earlier"), play on.
- Afterwards: Take a deep breath before you answer – or don't answer at all.
- Later: If something's unclear, ask. Calmly, with a specific question.
- If criticism is consistently insulting or demeaning, that's not okay. Talk to a trusted adult.
Rephrase sentence
When: When a thought like "I'm really bad today" runs through your head – during a break or after the game.
- 1Listen: What's the narrative right now?
- 2Ask: Is that a fact or a judgment?
- 3Turn that into an observation: 'Two misplaced passes' instead of 'I'm useless'.
- 4Attach an action: "Next ball: safe."
Out of the game
The coach shouts: 'You're reacting too late in defence!' You translate that as: 'Move earlier, make contact.' After training, you ask: 'What should I do differently in defence?' They explain it calmly.
Remember this
Criticism of an action isn't criticism of you. Take the instruction, leave the tone in the hall.