Even good days need words

After a strong performance

Good games seem easy – but they're not. How you praise shapes what your child's self-esteem is tied to.

What's going on with your child right now

Joy is real, but often linked with the thought: Can I do that again?
Praise that comes tied to an immediate new expectation can create pressure.
Alongside goals, good decisions, supporting teammates, and how they handle mistakes are just as worthy of attention.

That helps

Be specific: a scene, a behaviour.
Praise effort and decisions, not just goals.
Let your child tell you what they're proud of.
Let them enjoy success, without setting expectations for the next game.

That had better wait

"See, you can do it – why can't you always do that?"
Immediately setting the next bar.
Comparisons with teammates, even positive ones.

Phrases for this moment

"That moment in the second half, when you dropped the pace – brilliant."

"What are you most proud of yourself for?"

“You earned that.”

A concrete starting point

Celebrate with your teenager, without turning a good match into the bare minimum for the next one. Enjoying a goal is allowed too – it doesn't need an educational debrief.

“You really enjoyed playing today, didn’t you?” instead of “Now the coach finally sees you’re better than the others.” Let your child talk about what they’re proud of in their own words.

What makes sense next

If your child is worried about having to do it again: "You don't have to play the next match the same way to be valued by us." Conversations about trials, selection, or extra training can wait and should be led by what they want.

For right now

Sharing the joy without raising the barDidn't draw comparisons with teammatesRespected their wish to celebrate or have some peace and quiet

Support for your situation

I think my child is under too much pressure My child constantly compares themselves to others

Recommended reading

From your child's perspective5 min readSelf-confidence in handball: What you can do when you doubt yourselfSelf-confidence isn't a feeling you either have or don't have. You can collect evidence for it.Read article For Parents2 min readCompetitive Sport and Pressure: Where Does Encouragement End?“I’m sorry you made the trip for nothing.” That phrase can be an opening to talk about expectations. It doesn’t mean you’re a bad parent. Ask how your child received it, rather than rushing to justify your support.Read article

Continue the drill

The next day

These classifications are possibilities, not diagnoses. You know your child better than any text. If you are unsure, a professional assessment is always better than waiting.