“I’m sorry you made the trip for nothing.” That phrase can be an opening to talk about expectations. It doesn’t mean you’re a bad parent. Ask how your child received it, rather than rushing to justify your support.
Whose goal is this?
- What does your child actually want: representative selection, more court time, socialising with the team, or just playing handball?
- What are your own hopes – and have you made it clear that they belong to you?
- What expectation is coming from the school or club?
- What boundary is necessary for health, logistics, or family life?
An observation rather than a parent’s verdict
Pay attention to specific situations: does your child apologise to you after defeats? Do they hide physical complaints for fear of missing a match? Do they mention that a goal no longer feels right? Such observations are conversation starters, not a clinical diagnosis or proof of a single cause.
- "Driving you is our choice. You don't owe us a result."
- “Which expectation feels hardest for you right now?”
- “If my behaviour has put pressure on you, I want to know what we can change.”
Real relief requires a genuine change
Choose a concrete approach: no post-match debrief in the car, drop a non-essential extra session, or coordinate busy school periods with the coaching staff. "Don't put so much pressure on yourself" doesn't help if the same overloaded schedule stays unchanged. Later, ask how they are feeling, not just about goals scored.
Out of the game
Before an exam week, your child might want to keep attending team training but skip extra skills sessions. Discuss what needs to be arranged to make that work. You don't have to choose between 'pushing through everything' and 'giving up competitive sport'.
If distress persists or self-doubt is overwhelming, professional support makes sense. Where there is immediate danger, safety and help come first – not questions about parenting.
Remember this
Name your own ambition, listen to your child’s wishes, and adjust one specific expectation.