Your child mentions being repeatedly left out of the team chat or put down in front of others at training. Your first instinct might be to fire off a message in the parents' group. Take a breath: this is about your child's perspective and a safe next step, not a public debate.
Listening without jumping to judgment
Ask about a specific situation: what happened, who was there, and what does your child need right now? Take their experience seriously without assuming other people's motives. Not every disagreement is bullying or exclusion. But repeated insults, threats, or humiliation don't become acceptable just because someone labels them 'tough sport'.
- “Thank you for telling me. How did the situation feel to you?”
- “What needs to change so you feel more secure in the team again?”
- “You don't have to sort this out alone with that person. We'll talk through the next step together.”
Keep it factual, don't build a case in the team chat
- Jot down specific situations and the exact words used where possible, keeping them separate from assumptions.
- Make a note of what you saw yourself and what was reported to you.
- Keep relevant messages private instead of sharing them in group chats.
- Discuss what information is actually necessary to resolve things.
These notes are meant for a calm conversation. Your child doesn't need to endure further distressing situations to prove a point, nor do they need to interrogate other teenagers. Avoid gathering evidence through team chats or covert recordings.
Choose the right person to talk to
If it's a team conflict that can be resolved, the coaching team can help. If they are involved themselves or your child doesn't feel safe there, approach another responsible person at the club, youth welfare or the relevant governing body. Independent advice can also help you work out the best way forward. Don't send your child into a confrontation alone.
Out of the game
Your child is repeatedly being called "useless". A good way to open the conversation: "Our child has told us about these specific comments. We’d like to discuss how to stop personal put-downs and clarify who will be supervising the upcoming sessions." The focus is on respect, not extra court time.
An agreement has to work in everyday life
Clarify who is changing what, who your child can turn to, and when you will check back in together. Afterwards, ask how they are feeling, not just whether a complaint was answered. If the situation remains unsafe or unresolved, seek further support and consider taking a break or moving to a different environment.
Privacy and safety go hand in hand: only share what's strictly necessary, but never promise complete secrecy if someone is at risk. Immediate danger always takes priority; in the UK call 999 (in Germany call 112).
Remember this
Take what they're feeling seriously, keep your observations factual, and hold adults accountable for creating a safe, respectful environment.