My child reacts strongly to criticism
One sentence from the coach – and the day is over.
Your first step
“What exactly was said? What was it about that that upset you?” Listen to your child’s perspective first, without jumping in with “They only mean well” or “They don’t have a clue.”
It is completely natural for you to feel unsure too
You don't want to turn every correction into a conflict, but neither do you want to excuse disrespectful behaviour. For that, you need specifics: What was said, in what context, and how did your child feel about it? Volume alone doesn't answer these questions.
What could be going on right now?
Multiple possibilities – not one truth. None of this is a diagnosis.
- Being called out in front of the group can feel awful. What hit your child hardest is entirely personal.
- Your child might hear 'You're not good enough' when 'Do it differently' was meant.
- If criticism is frequent and praise is rare, the balance shifts – even factual corrections then land as an attack.
- A loud or dismissive tone can completely drown out the message. Help them work through the actual task as well as how they were spoken to.
- Sometimes the criticism is genuinely unfair or disrespectful. That needs to be pointed out, not explained away.
Correction, misunderstanding, or a crossed line?
- 1
Describing a single incident rather than the entire conflict
Separate the actual task (“track back sooner”) from a possible personal attack (“you're useless”). Constructive sporting feedback can be worked through. Insults, threats, or humiliation do not have to be tolerated in the name of performance.
- 2
If details are unclear: empower them to ask themselves
Your teenager can say: "I didn't quite get that feedback. What should I do differently next time?" If they're unsure, practice the line together or offer to back them up. There's no age limit where asking for help suddenly stops being okay.
- 3
In cases of repeated mistreatment: adults step in
Note down factual observations calmly, without using team group chats to gather evidence. Ask for a quiet conversation. If there's fear, abuse of power, or a lack of resolution, involve the club's safeguarding officer or an independent support service. Your teenager doesn't have to face anyone alone.
What's more likely to be unhelpful
- "They don't really mean it like that."
- Repeat and deepen the criticism at home.
- "You need to learn to deal with it" as the only answer.
- Immediately attacking the coach without knowing your child's perspective.
What you can say
"I can see that affected you."
"Which of those is true for you – and which isn't?"
"The way he said it wasn't okay. We can look at what he actually meant in terms of facts."
"You can ask if you don't understand something."
An example from everyday handball
After some feedback, your child says: "The coach hates me."
“That’s how it felt to you. Let’s look at what was actually said. If you were insulted personally, we adults will deal with it; if the instructions weren’t clear, we’ll help you ask.”
What your child can take ownership of themselves
Your teenager can ask for a clear explanation and set boundaries. They don't have to take every piece of feedback to heart. Look at it together: what can I learn from, what needs an adult to sort out, and who's got my back?
Working alongside the coaching staff and club
A conversation goal might be: specific feedback on actions and a respectful tone. Example: “We’d like to understand what the task was and clarify how personal belittling can be avoided.” Safeguarding issues are not up for negotiation alongside playing time.
Preparing for a chat with the coachYour next step – take your time to assess
- Your child avoids training drills where criticism is likely.
- Fear of specific people in the club
- Coaching team making demeaning statements about the person instead of the performance
- For persistent anxiety before training or a match
- If there are signs of demeaning behaviour: involve the club's trusted person or regional association
Fittingly
After the game: After criticismIf the coach was loudSimilar situations
Recommended reading
These classifications are possibilities, not diagnoses. You know your child better than any text. If you are unsure, a professional assessment is always better than waiting.