Your child put everything into preparing for trials. Now the news is in: not selected this time. Maybe a friend made the squad, maybe there’s no explanation at all. You're allowed to feel disappointed too. But your child doesn't need to comfort you, nor do they need to come up with a new training masterplan right away.
Today, it's okay for the news to just hurt
Ask if your child wants to talk, wants some company, or needs some space. "You really wanted this. It’s hard" acknowledges their disappointment. "They don't know what they're doing" replaces missing information with an unfair judgment; "Right, then we train harder" turns a setback into an extra chore. Neither is helpful right now.
- “You don’t have to decide anything today. What do you need from me right now?”
- “Not being picked this time doesn't mean your worth is on that list.”
- “If you’d like feedback later, I’ll help you prepare.”
Separate what you know from what you're assuming
The only confirmed fact is the selection decision. Why it went that way is something you only know if specific criteria and feedback were shared. Height, a single missed shot or the relationship with the coach aren't reliable explanations without feedback. Don't promise they'll be picked next time either.
- What criteria were communicated beforehand?
- What personal feedback has already been given?
- What question is still unanswered?
- Does my child want to ask themselves, practise together first, or have me there with them?
Asking for helpful feedback
Arrange a calm meeting with the person responsible. Your child can ask: “What observation was decisive? What would be a concrete development step? How will I get feedback on this later?” The goal is a clear task to work on, not dropping another player from the squad. Parents can ask for a transparent feedback process without trying to make sporting decisions themselves.
Out of the game
Their friend made the squad. Your child says: 'I'm useless.' You reply: 'It hurts when you don't both get picked. We don't know the reasons yet. You don't have to compare yourself with her today. If you want, we can write down your questions later.'
After that, the next step belongs to your child
They might want to keep pursuing regional selection, focus on their club team, or take a step back from it for a while. Clarify what they want and what level of load is manageable. A fresh focus in training can help; extra sessions are not an automatic fix or guarantee. Friendships and interests outside handball remain just as important.
If low mood or self-criticism persists and impacts school or friendships, offer professional support. You don't need to wait for future squad selections.
Remember this
Acknowledge the disappointment, gather clear criteria instead of guessing, and help them choose their own next step.