I don't know what to say after the game
The car journey home is tense – even though you just wanted to show an interest.
Your first step
Greet your child and ask: “Chat, music or quiet?” If the answer is quiet, don’t immediately follow up with the next match question.
It is completely natural for you to feel unsure too
You want to show you care without putting pressure on them. You don't need the perfect line. What matters is that your child has a choice about whether and what to talk about – and that you can make amends if a conversation misfires.
What could be going on right now?
Multiple possibilities – not one truth. None of this is a diagnosis.
- Right after the match, your child might not be ready to talk or unpack things yet. Check what they'd prefer.
- Asking about their performance can easily feel like a test. What matters is how your child receives it, not just what you meant by it.
- You want to connect, your child just wants to calm down. Both are legitimate and clash.
- The drive home can be a chance for connection, but it doesn't need to turn into a debrief on their performance.
A journey home that works for both of you
- 1
Before the match: agree on preferences
“How would you like to handle the match on the journey home?” Maybe your child wants to talk, maybe they don’t. Also agree on whether clips from the match may be shared with relatives or shown to others.
- 2
After the final whistle: follow the conversation
If your child brings up a specific moment, ask: "Do you want my take, or do you just want to vent?" No opinion is also a valid response. If an argument starts, you can say: "That was too much from me just then. I'll just listen for now."
- 3
Later: offer a brief conclusion
If your child is open to talking: what was tough, what worked, what should be different next time? If they just want to move on from the match, respect that. Lasting concerns can always be addressed outside this debrief rule.
What's more likely to be unhelpful
- "So, how was it?" as the first thing.
- Going over the result, statistics, and coach's decisions in the car.
- Silence with an accusing undertone.
- Talking about other players.
What you can say
"Good to see you. Hungry?"
"Talk or music?"
"I enjoyed watching you play."
"Tell me if you want – but you don't have to."
An example from everyday handball
You say: “You should have passed on that last play.” Your child goes quiet.
"That was unprompted advice from me. I'm sorry. I wanted to show interest, not judge you. Would you rather have some quiet right now?"
What your child can take ownership of themselves
Your teenager can hit pause on a conversation and pick it up later. They don't owe you a debrief after every match. Practical arrangements and basic mutual respect still apply either way.
Working alongside the coaching staff and club
Parents don't need to step in as a second coach. If specific tactical questions crop up, help them put them into words for the coaching team. The drive home doesn't need to make up for missing feedback from the coach.
Preparing for a chat with the coachYour next step – take your time to assess
- The drive home regularly ends in an argument
- Your child no longer wants you to watch.
- Rarely necessary – but if sports-related conversations consistently strain the relationship, family or sports psychology counselling can help.
There's exactly one drink that works better after a game than any clever question. It's in the boot.
Fittingly
After the game: The first 10 minutesFinal whistle to carSimilar situations
Recommended reading
These classifications are possibilities, not diagnoses. You know your child better than any text. If you are unsure, a professional assessment is always better than waiting.