My child is extremely nervous
Barely approachable before games, stomach ache, restlessness.
Your first step
Before the next trip, agree on what happens in the car: music, talking, or quiet? Plan the packing and departure time together, rather than trying out a new mental prep routine right before throw-off.
It is completely natural for you to feel unsure too
If your child barely speaks on the car journey or complains of a stomach ache, it is natural to want to ease their nerves straight away. But your own focus on the clock and the scoreline can add extra pressure. Start by asking if your child wants support – not whether they are calm enough yet.
What could be going on right now?
Multiple possibilities – not one truth. None of this is a diagnosis.
- Before big matches, nerves can show up physically. But that doesn't automatically explain away stomach aches or other physical complaints.
- Maybe your child is worried about the score or how someone else will react. You can only work out what's really behind it by talking it through together.
- It could be about evaluation: the coach, the team, the spectators, scouting. It's not the game that causes anxiety, but what people will think of them afterwards.
- Sometimes the nervousness is simply due to a lack of routine: no reliable pre-match ritual for the mind to cling to.
- It could also be an everyday worry that travels with them – school or friend issues.
Taking the stress out of match preparation
- 1
Beforehand: pinpoint the specific worry
Ask during a quiet moment: "What feels hardest before a match – the first ball, the chance of making a mistake, or what other people might think?" Don't automatically write off physical symptoms as just nerves; if they keep coming back or are severe, check in with a doctor.
- 2
On matchday: reliability instead of coaching
Take care of the agreed lift and food arrangements. Your child decides for themselves whether to use a familiar, quick routine. Don't push a new breathing technique; if they feel uncomfortable or dizzy, stop and return to normal breathing.
- 3
Afterwards: keep what actually helps
If your child feels like talking: "Did our journey help today? What should we skip next time?" Don't evaluate whether the routine led to more goals.
What's more likely to be unhelpful
- "You just need to relax." – That increases the pressure to be relaxed.
- "It's just a game." – For your child, it's really not just a game right now.
- Countdown phrases in the car: "We're off in 20 minutes, are you ready?"
- Passing on your own tension unfiltered (looking at the clock, frantic packing, phone calls about the opponent).
What you can say
“Excitement is part of it. Your body is getting ready.”
"Do you want to talk, or would you prefer some peace and quiet until we get to the sports hall?"
"What helps you today – music, silence, or a bit of nonsense?"
"I'll be there for you afterwards, no matter how it goes."
An example from everyday handball
On the drive over, your child says: “If I lose the first ball, I'll be benched straight away.”
"You're worrying about the reaction afterwards. Shall we sort that out with the coach later? For the drive home: what do you need from me right now?"
What your child can take ownership of themselves
Your teenager can pick one initial focus for themselves: like sorting their defensive match-up before the first attack. That's far more concrete than "don't be nervous today", and you don't need to check up on it.
Working alongside the coaching staff and club
If trials or unclear expectations increase tension, your child can ask the coaching staff about their specific role. Offer to go with them if they want. If there is fear of a particular person, it is no longer just about match preparation – it is about safe conduct within the club.
Preparing for a chat with the coachYour next step – take your time to assess
- Nausea, vomiting, or stomach pains before almost every game for weeks
- Your child looks for reasons not to go to the game.
- The tension builds days in advance and gets in the way of school or friendships
- Panic-like states: shortness of breath, heart palpitations with intense fear
- If tension keeps rising, your child is struggling significantly, or daily life is affected – you do not need to wait for a specific timeframe
- If your child starts to avoid competitions, even though they still want to play
- If physical symptoms also occur outside of sport – then first get a paediatrician's assessment
Why your child wants to talk tactics exactly 0.0 seconds after getting into the car: they don't.
Fittingly
After the game: The first 10 minutesFinal whistle to carSimilar situations
Recommended reading
These classifications are possibilities, not diagnoses. You know your child better than any text. If you are unsure, a professional assessment is always better than waiting.