If the coach was loud

After criticism

Criticism in front of the group can sting particularly badly. Help your child separate the message from the tone – and stand firm if the way it was delivered wasn't on.

What's going on with your child right now

A loud or dismissive tone can make it difficult to understand the intended task.
Your child often hears a statement about themselves, not about an action.
They're watching to see if you'll take their side.

That helps

First listen to your child's version of events.
Consider content and tone separately.
Encourage your child to ask specific questions.
If there's disrespectful behaviour, talk to them yourself – calmly, directly, in private.

That had better wait

"They don't mean it like that."
Repeating criticism at home.
Discussing things in front of everyone in the sports hall.

Phrases for this moment

"I can see that affected you."

"Which of those is true for you?"

"The way he said that wasn't okay."

"Do you want me to talk to him, or will you do it yourself?"

A concrete starting point

Listen to the specific moment. Distinguish between coaching feedback, a misunderstanding, and a personal put-down, rather than jumping to explain the coach's motives.

"You missed your defensive assignment" can be worked through. "You're useless" is not acceptable criticism. Your child doesn't have to cope with disrespect by simply learning to stay calm.

What makes sense next

If instructions are unclear, help them ask for clarification. When there is humiliation, threats or fear, adults must step in and clear things up with a trusted contact.

For right now

Listened to the exact words and the situationDistinguished between the issue itself and how it was handledArranged support for safeguarding concerns

Support for your situation

My child reacts strongly to criticism My child doesn't want to talk

Recommended reading

For Parents2 min readThe conversation with the coachA comment from the coach is bothering your child, and you want to react immediately. Before calling, work out: is this about an unclear sporting task, workload, or disrespectful or unsafe behaviour? That changes who should speak and what goal makes sense.Read article From your child's perspective5 min readCoach criticism: How to deal with it without taking everything personallyLoud criticism from the sidelines hurts. Here's how to separate the tone from what you can really take on board.Read article

Continue the drill

The next day

These classifications are possibilities, not diagnoses. You know your child better than any text. If you are unsure, a professional assessment is always better than waiting.