On the court, your child takes on responsibility; at home, they snap at a simple question. That can be baffling. It doesn’t mean a lack of maturity, nor does it point to a single biological cause. Ask about the specific situation instead of writing off the behaviour as “just puberty”.
Keeping three things separate
- Observation: your child hardly said a word after training today. That isn't an explanation yet.
- Meaning: maybe they need some quiet, maybe something is on their mind, maybe they’d prefer to talk to someone else about it.
- Next steps: practical agreements are still essential. Sharing personal details is voluntary; if you're worried about their health or safety, follow up directly.
Handing over responsibility in small tasks
Agree on one thing your child wants to take charge of: their kitbag, pick-up time, or asking the coaching team a question. Clarify what support they actually want. If something gets forgotten, look at the practical consequence rather than saying "You're just not ready yet". Independence doesn't arrive on a specific birthday, nor does it come from having to handle every problem completely alone.
Out of the game
The bag is packed, but the court shoes are missing. "How do you want to handle this next time? Make your own checklist, or have me remind you?" Let your child decide on the support that suits them. You don't need to turn a forgotten shoe into a test of character.
Balancing boundaries and privacy
- “You don’t have to tell me everything. We just need to know when you’d like to be picked up.”
- "You're allowed to be angry. I won't let you speak to me like that, though."
- “If you’d like to talk to someone else, I’ll help you find someone you trust.”
It is different with significant withdrawal, persistent distress or signs of harm: state what you notice and seek qualified help. A developmental framework is no substitute for an individual assessment.
Remember this
Hand over specific responsibilities, clarify what help is actually wanted, and don't place the burden of staying safe onto the child.