Knowledge Hub

Communication

Listening, questions, feedback, boundaries.

ListenQuestionsFeedbackBoundaries

Listen before offering advice

Adolescents share more when they're not being judged. That doesn't mean agreeing with everything – but understanding first, before making a judgment.

Ask if they'd like some advice. Listening without immediately offering a fix is just as supportive.

Better questions

Closed questions produce one-word answers. Open questions and observations open up conversations.

Instead of "Was it good?" → "What was different today than usual?"
Instead of "Why…?" → "How did that feel for you?"
Instead of advice → "Would you like to hear my perspective?"

Feedback & Boundaries

At home, your child is a child, not a player. Sports feedback is the coaching team's job – your input affects your relationship and therefore carries more weight.

Setting boundaries is still your job: tone of voice, agreed rules, commitments. Boundaries and empathy go hand in hand.

Repairing a conversation that went wrong

You commented unprompted on a missed shot and your child shut down. Repairing it can be brief: “That was advice you didn't ask for. I'm sorry. Would you rather I just listen for now?” You don't need to give a long speech proving your good intentions.

If a conversation is necessary, explain why: "We need to sort out who's picking you up" or "I'm worried about how exhausted you seem". That is very different from forcing a debrief about the match. Ask when suits them; on safety issues, you cannot wait indefinitely.

Questions for everyday life

Does my child want advice, company or quiet?Which topic is genuinely necessary, and which is just my own curiosity?What can I tweak about the way I start the conversation?

Support for your situation

My child doesn't want to talk My child reacts strongly to criticism I don't know what to say after the game

Recommended reading

For Parents3 min readExclusion and disrespectful behaviour at the clubRepeatedly excluded, insulted, or humiliated in front of the team: listen, gather specific observations, and find a safe way to resolve it.Read article For Parents2 min readTalking when you get little back"All good." Nothing more follows after training. It's okay to feel disappointed, without turning that into an obligation for your child to talk. A conversation isn't the only proof of a good relationship, and silence doesn't explain its own cause.Read article For Parents2 min readThe conversation with the coachA comment from the coach is bothering your child, and you want to react immediately. Before calling, work out: is this about an unclear sporting task, workload, or disrespectful or unsafe behaviour? That changes who should speak and what goal makes sense.Read article

In short

First understand, then contextualise.
Open questions open up conversations.
Sports coaching doesn't belong at the kitchen table.

These everyday reflections do not constitute a diagnosis or prove an individual cause. Specific physical or psychological symptoms should always be evaluated by a professional.

Other areas

Adolescent development Stress

These classifications are possibilities, not diagnoses. You know your child better than any text. If you are unsure, a professional assessment is always better than waiting.